The Warlock Queen: Book 13 of the Grey Wolves Series Read online

  “Let’s get our little man down, and then I could use a shower,” she said as she opened the door.

  Fane felt as if he was moving in a drug-induced stupor. By the time they made it to their suite, he couldn’t even remember walking there. Jacquelyn took Slate from his arms and went into the nursery, where Fane watched her tuck Slate in and turn on the small fan to create a gentle hum.

  When she returned to the main living area, Fane still stood there, unsure of what to do with himself.

  “Why am I able to act like a functioning wolf when I’m in front of our pack, but the moment I am alone, I’m like a broken robot?” he asked her as she undressed him.

  “Because out there”—she motioned to the door—“that’s who they need you to be. But with me, you can be vulnerable.”

  Once he was naked, she pulled him toward their room and their bathroom. She quickly undressed, and it said something about where his emotions were that he wasn’t pouncing on her. It feels like an eternity since we’ve made love to him, he thought, which of course she heard through their bond.

  “There’s plenty of time for that,” his mate said with a coy smile.

  His wolf perked up as he thought, Is there, though? How much time do we really have left in this life, his beast asked. How many more times will we have to love our female?

  Fane’s eyes roamed over his mate’s lovely form. Her soft skin called to him, and her scent suddenly filled the small space. A different, yet familiar ache arose within him, temporarily putting aside his grief and concern over what was to come.

  She turned on the water and checked the temperature as he stepped up behind her. Fane rested his hands on her hips and then ran them around her to her stomach. He felt the goosebumps rise on her skin as she shivered.

  He leaned down until his lips were next to her ear. “I need you,” he said, his voice thick with the sound of his wolf.

  Jacquelyn leaned back into him, the flesh of her back touching his chest only making him want to be closer to her. He turned her and reached down, placing his hands under her thighs and then lifted her, making her wrap her legs around his waist.

  She stared into his eyes and the love, devotion, and need that he saw there broke his control. The moment she felt it through their bond, she leaned her head back, exposing her throat. Fane lunged forward and let his teeth sink into the bite mark she would forever bear, marking her as his mate.

  He stepped into the shower and pressed her against the tile wall. Fane let go of everything he’d been focusing on and gave his mate his full attention. And he greedily asked for her full attention in return. She didn’t disappoint.

  “I love you,” she whispered as he finally released her neck and tilted his head to the side, inviting her to remark him. Fane placed his hand on the back of her head, pushing her face toward his neck, needing to feel her possessive bite.

  As her teeth sank into him, he pulled her tighter against him. “You are my everything.”

  Sally tucked Titus into bed and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Please give him pleasant dreams,” she prayed to the Great Luna. “He deserves them.” She closed the door behind her, leaving a small gap to allow a sliver of light to penetrate the darkness of his room.

  When she entered her bedroom, Sally found her mate laying shirtless on their bed, his arms behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. Her mind drifted back to a different time when she’d found this male on her bed shirtless, and she couldn’t help but smile at the memory. It was the first time they’d ever slept in the same bed, and all they had done was sleep … sort of. She grumbled as she remembered some of the mental thoughts he’d shared with her, including the comments he’d made about her chest.

  “It still stands true, Sally-mine,” he said as he picked up on her thoughts. “There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a pity to damage yours,” he said with a wicked grin.

  “We were not yet mated. Just because you wrapped your comments into a movie quote doesn’t justify them.” She scolded him with a glare she knew was completely ineffectual.

  “It’s a classic and so is the line.” Costin shrugged. “Not to mention it makes you blush anytime I say breasts, especially regarding yours. It’s a win-win for me.”

  Sally rolled her eyes, and her cheeks heated because she knew he was right. Even after all this time, and all the intimacy between them, he still embarrassed her with his suggestive words.

  “It’s endearing, brow—” he began but stopped himself.

  Sally flinched and then ground her teeth. The Order had taken something that had once been so precious to her. Costin’s nicknames for her were like verbal caresses against her skin. They were special and only for her. She didn’t want him to have to censor himself because of… she pushed the thought from her mind. The memories of Jericho were still there, and it would be beyond bad for Costin to pick up any of those through their bond.

  He sat up and motioned for her to come to him. Sally walked over and climbed onto the bed, moving until he could wrap an arm around her waist and pull her on top of him. She braced her hands on his shoulders and looked down into his hazel eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m not bothered because I can’t use the endearment. I’m bothered that it hurts you when I slip up and let it come out, which means I cause you pain. It kills me and my wolf to cause you any more pain than you’ve already experienced.”

  Sally pressed a hand over his heart. “It’s not you who causes me pain,” Sally said. “It’s just a part of life. We experience pain, and because of that it makes the joy that much sweeter.”

  Costin ran a finger down her cheek, his touch feather light. “And you can remember the joy, despite all that you have been through?”

  “The joy has helped me survive all of that stuff,” she told him. Sally let her mind fill with every joyous moment in her life. She started with her childhood, when Jen and Jacque had become a part of her life. Flooding their bond with the memories, Sally also let him feel the emotions the memories evoked. She showed him how she’d felt the first time she’d laid eyes on him, the confusion and realization that he was going to be someone very important to her. Her last memory was of him holding Titus as he read their boy a story.

  Costin’s eyes were glassy with unshed tears as he gazed at her. “You leave me speechless,” he murmured. His hand cupped her cheek, and he pulled her face toward his.

  Just before their lips touched, Sally whispered, “I’m still your brown eyes.”

  She saw the tears fall as he kissed her. Sally felt the dampness on her own cheeks as she lost herself, not only in her own emotions, but also the emotions of her mate. She knew the months until the challenges began would pass quickly. Even with the time of mourning, the pack would not heal by then, if ever. They would, however, be ready to take on anything that thought to stand against them or the Great Luna.

  Costin rolled them over so he covered her body with his own. Her mind cleared of all thoughts as he freed her of the confines of her clothes, which suddenly felt much too constricting.

  “Stay here with me,” Costin whispered as he broke the kiss and ran his nose along her jaw, breathing in deeply.

  “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” Sally sighed as she settled into the care of her mate.

  Jen pressed a kiss to Thia’s forehead and laid her daughter down in her crib. Then she wrapped her hands around the top rail of the crib and squeezed. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t seem to get herself together. After she’d gone on her little vengeance killing spree, she’d known a minuscule amount of peace, a tiny amount of retribution for those who’d been lost. But now she was buried beneath a wave of confusion and pain that seemed determined to drag her to the bottom of an ocean of despair.

  The former alpha female could feel Decebel pushing into her mind. He was trying to decipher the emotions warring inside her. But how could he when she didn't even know what was going on? Jen hated making him worry. It w
asn’t as if he wasn’t hurting just as badly as she was. He’d known Vasile and Alina a heck of a lot longer than she had, but his shoulders were so much bigger than hers, and they seemed to bear the weight of the pain with so much more ease than her own.

  “You could let me bear it for you,” Decebel breathed from behind her.

  Jen let her head fall forward, her blonde hair creating a curtain around her face, protecting her from his eyes. Why do I feel as if I need to hide from my mate?

  “Jennifer,” his voice rumbled, and she heard how close his wolf was to the surface. “Let me help.”

  After several minutes of silence, she released her death grip on the crib and turned around. She kept her head lowered as she walked toward him, passing him and walking into the living room. Jen heard Dec close Thia’s door and then felt his presence behind her.

  “Talk to me, Jennifer.”

  “What do you want me to say?” she asked, her voice sounding as weary as she felt. “I’m lost. I feel like the grief is making me lose my identity. I don’t even recognize myself, at least not my mind.” She threw her hands up in the air and let them fall uselessly by her sides. “It’s not like I expected them to live forever, but I guess I sort of did.” The thought sounded ridiculous when she said it out loud. She’d imagined Vasile and Alina as untouchable. Jen had thought nothing could take them down. But I was horribly wrong. What does that mean for the rest of us?

  “It means we treasure every second we have together, no matter how bad,” Decebel answered her unspoken thought.

  She lifted her head and finally let her eyes meet his. The amber orbs were glowing.

  “I’m scared, Dec.” The words slipped out before she could stop them. Jen did not like admitting fear. She was supposed to be the strong one. She was the one who held her girls up when they were tired and felt like they couldn’t go on. But at that moment, it took everything she had to stay on her feet. What she really wanted to do was collapse on the floor and beat the ground while screaming at the top of her lungs. Maybe that would purge all her pain and frustration.

  “It’s okay to let yourself hurt,” Decebel said as he padded toward her. “You don’t always have to be the strong one.”

  Jen could sense her wolf’s grief as strong as her own. “I know,” she said as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. I can’t believe I still have any tears left to cry. “But I don’t enjoy my emotions being out of control. This despair … it’s … it’s so deep that I don’t know if I can climb out of it.”

  “Nobody does, Jennifer. It’s part of life. It’s actually the part of life that makes it all worth living.”

  Jen’s eyes narrowed. “Crying to the point of dry heaving makes life worth living? Are you trying to piss me off?”

  Decebel reached out a hand and gently wrapped it around her upper arm. He tugged her toward him and, when she went willingly, pulled her into his powerful embrace. “When am I not trying to piss you off?” he asked before sucking in a deep breath. Jen knew he was taking in her scent, that the familiar smell comforted his wolf. “You know I think you’re sexy when you’re irked.”

  She laid her head against his chest. “Mmm-hmm, stop trying to distract me,” she murmured. “What do you mean it’s what makes life worth living?”

  “You’ve heard Vasile and Alina both say it,” he said. “There is no light without the dark, not in this world. There is no joy without sorrow. Or maybe, a better way to explain it is that a person cannot appreciate the good in this life unless they have suffered the bad.”

  Jen remembered both Vasile and Alina saying similar things, and she knew what Decebel said was true.

  “It doesn’t make it hurt less,” he said, answering her thought before she could speak it.

  “No,” she agreed. “It doesn’t.”

  After a few minutes of silence, Decebel hummed and then he started swaying. Jen listened to the deep timbre of his voice as the humming turned into words. Her lips turned up slightly. It was a song she’d sung to him many times before and a promise she’d made to him if ever he needed it again, she would remind him who he was.

  “As I am reminding you,” his voice filled her mind even as he continued to sing. “You are mine. My mate, the mother of my child, the best friend of Jacque and Sally.”

  “Are we going to be okay?” Jen’s voice sounded small and vulnerable.

  “Is there any other option?” Decebel asked.

  “Normally, I would answer no. But now? Now, I’m not sure of anything anymore. I don’t know what the future is going to look like for Thia, Slate, and Titus. I don’t know if we are going to have enough allies to defeat the damn Order. They seem to be crawling out of the woodwork. I don’t know if Fane is going to be able to fight every wolf that comes to stand against him. I just don’t know.”

  “That’s where faith steps in,” her mate said as he continued to sway with her, dancing quietly in the safety of their suite. “The Great Luna is on our side, and if we follow her, she will guide us.”

  “It’s that simple?”

  “Yes.”

  “But that doesn’t mean we won’t have pain.” Jen sighed. “It doesn’t mean we won’t suffer.”

  “No,” he agreed. “But it does mean that we have a Creator who cares and is with us and feels our suffering.” He paused, and Jen could hear the thoughts rushing through his mind. “When you went on your hunting spree in the Order’s compound, were you on your own?”

  “You know I wasn’t. You can see my thoughts.”

  “So, the Great Luna was right there with you while you fought for justice. You were the arm of her justice.”

  Jen nodded. “And if she hadn’t been with me, I would have killed every single person I came upon.” The thought made her feel sick, not proud.

  “I know you’re hurting, and we can talk for as long as you want to and as often as you need to,” Decebel assured her. “But I think the best thing we can do tonight is get some rest.”

  Jen knew he was right. She needed sleep in the worst kind of way. She let him lead her to their room and strip off her clothes before climbing into bed. She didn’t have the energy to put on her pajamas. Decebel turned off the light and crawled in beside her. He pulled her tightly to his side and wrapped his arms around her. Again, Jen laid her head on his chest. Her wolf had been pushing against her to let it take over. The wolf didn’t worry about what was to come or what was in the past. The wolf lived in the moment. Jen let her beast have control, and finally she relaxed. Her eyelids drifted closed.

  “Sleep mate,” Decebel’s wolf rumbled. “All will be well.”

  A week had passed since the Blood Moon ceremony, and Jacque still felt as if she was merely going through the motions of her life. She slept, she got up, and she took care of Slate. She, Jen, and Sally would sit in the library and let the kids play. Little was said among them. Mostly, they stared at the three pups on the floor. Thia decided she should teach seven-month-old Slate to walk. He was already doing the army-crawl thing as well as raising up on his hands and knees and rocking back and forth like a race car at the starting line ready to take off. But much to Thia’s frustration, as soon as Slate would lift an arm to move forward, he’d fall flat on his chubby face.

  “Hell,” Thia spat when once again Slate tumbled forward.

  “Thia,” Jen growled, the voice of the woman’s wolf present in her tone. “I have already told you to stop using that word.”

  “Mommy do,” Thia said, her own voice filled with accusation.

  “Mommy is a grown a—” Jen stopped herself and took a breath before continuing. “Mommy is an adult.”

  “Aunt Jen,” Titus said, “if you don’t want Thia to say hell, why do you say it?”

  Jen turned to glance at Sally. “You need to dumb down your kid.” Then she looked back at Titus. “There are many things adults do that kids need not do, Tucker.”

  “Aunt Jen,” Titus huffed. “You know my name.”

  Jen shrugged. “You irrit
ate me, your name becomes whatever I want it to be.”

  Titus rolled his eyes and shrugged before turning to help Thia prop Slate back up on his hands and knees.

  Jacque watched all of it with only a passing interest. Her mind constantly searched Fane’s. The day after the ceremony, he’d told her his wolf needed to run. Costin and Decebel had joined him, and the trio had gone out hunting every day since. He wasn’t shutting her out like he’d done in the past. She had front row tickets to all his thoughts, but they were so numerous and jumbled together with his emotions, it was hard for her to decipher them.

  Mainly, she felt his worry. Jacque was doing everything she could think of to remove some of his stress. She’d hosted two pack dinners, inviting everyone to eat together. Most of the pack had attended, and the meals had been a good time of fellowship, a chance to share memories of their beloved alpha pair. As much as it hurt to talk about them, taking a walk down memory lane with the rest of the pack was cathartic. The little pieces Jacque gleaned from the other pack members were filling the giant hole left by the loss of the alphas.

  “Mission control to Jacque,” Jen huffed.

  Jacque blinked several times and looked up from where she’d been staring, unseeing, at the children. “I’m sorry, what?”

  “Sally and I were just talking about how we need to have a big Christmas celebration that also includes all the birthdays, anniversaries, etc. that we’ve missed because of all the dickhead bad guys we’ve recently had to deal with.”

  “For the record, I didn’t say dickhead,” Sally added.

  “But you wanted to,” Jen said.

  Jacque thought about the idea, and her first reaction was to say no. A celebration seemed like the last thing she wanted to take part in right now. But then she looked at Thia. The little girl was patting Slate on the back as if trying to tell him she knew he could do it. Thia had turned a year old with no celebration of the milestone. Each of them had birthdays that had come and gone with no acknowledgement because there’d been no time, and when rest had finally come, the reprieve had been short-lived. Who knows how long it had been since Titus had celebrated a birthday?